


But you've been holding me without your arms, It's time to let you go

by historyofbellarke



Category: Fruits Basket (Anime 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mentioned Canonical Suicide, and so does Kyo, no beta because it's 4 am and this plot bunny wouldn't get out of my head, rating because I swear a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29578719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/historyofbellarke/pseuds/historyofbellarke
Summary: 2x16 Divergence - set the night after the Kyoru rooftop scene.Kyo's words on the rooftop haunted him. He meant it when he said he'd be rooting for her when she fell in love. Even if it killed him that it wouldn't be with him.Meanwhile, after so much loss in her life, Tohru decides she can't risk losing Kyo without him knowing how she feels.
Relationships: Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	But you've been holding me without your arms, It's time to let you go

**Author's Note:**

> Canon divergent from 2x16 (2019 anime). Yes, I know that both Tohru and Kyo are a little OOC. Yes, I know that this isn’t how the curse works. But this is my own self-indulgent foray into the fandom so I get to run with it damnit. 
> 
> Title from [In My Hands - Zero 9:36](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_0lE3TX8tI). Listen to it on repeat while reading - you won't regret it.

_“When there’s someone in your life, someone you care about, you want to be near them.”_

_“When you do fall in love, I promise, I’ll be rooting for you.”_

The words echoed over and over in Kyo’s mind as he tried to fall asleep. He had meant them, of course. He would do anything to make Tohru happy and he knew that meant letting her go. She deserved to be with someone who wasn’t cursed - someone who had a future outside of a cage. 

**Anyone** that wasn’t him. 

But that didn’t mean it didn’t fucking hurt. 

He wasn’t lying when he told Akito that he wouldn’t fall in love. That had always been his plan because he knew, somewhere deep down, that he would never be able to beat Yuki. Hell, even if he did, he didn’t think Akito would keep his word. 

The cage had been his destiny from the moment the Cat’s spirit entered his body. He never even had a chance. 

He knew he was selfish - these stolen moments with Tohru were his one last comfort before his life ended and he knew in the end that it would hurt her when he was locked away. But this was the only real comfort he’d ever had in his life and _damnit,_ he was still human. Underneath it all, they were _all_ still human. 

One day soon, he would just be a memory to her but to him, she would always be everything. 

So he climbed onto the roof tonight, knowing she was up there. Tohru _never_ went up to the roof - especially not by herself. 

Had she been looking for him? 

_When there’s someone in your life, someone you care about,_ **_you want to be near them._ **

Damnit. He couldn’t let himself think about that. 

No. He would never let Tohru know how he felt, but he was still going to take these little moments and pretend that maybe she cared about him the same way he does for her. That’s the light he would need to survive the cage. 

* * *

Tohru couldn’t sleep. She had almost slipped and told Kyo the real reason she was on the roof.

 _When there’s someone in your life, someone you care about,_ **_you want to be near them_ ** _._

Kyo. She wanted to be near Kyo. She knew he wasn’t around when she had gone up there, but it was his space and she needed to feel close to him - emotionally, if not physically. 

She couldn’t sleep because she was scared. The words she had poured out to Momiji and Kureno had been truthful, but she hadn’t been talking about Momo or Uo-chan. No, she’d been talking about herself. She just hadn’t realized it until later. 

The truth hit her the night after Kyo found her crying on the sidewalk. He really _had_ appeared out of nowhere like an angel sent from the heavens. He’d come to bring her home. 

Home. 

**Home.**

This wasn’t her home. As much as she wanted it to be, she was still just a visitor. Someone passing through Somas’ lives while she was still in high school. But soon, they would all be scattered. 

She wondered if Kyo and Yuki would ever think about her after graduation - after she moved away and they moved on with their lives. 

No. No they wouldn’t. Somewhere deep down, she knew that their lives were joined together. Especially her and Kyo’s. 

She had made her choice when she ran after him and held onto him in the Cat’s True Form. Even though he had lashed out, she knew it was from fear. Everyone in his life had rejected him - _everyone._ But she couldn’t. No matter what he did, she knew the real Kyo - the one beneath all the layers and walls he had built up around his heart. **That** was the Kyo she loved. 

Until tonight, she thought she would never tell him. She put those feelings in a box and buried them deep down inside of her. 

The thing about feelings, though, is that the lid is never fully closed. No matter how many rocks you put on top of it, they were a pandora’s box always waiting for the slightest hint of weakness so they could come roaring back out. 

So that’s why she was up on the roof. Her feelings wouldn’t stay down and she could hear her mom somewhere in the back of her mind telling her to be brave and tell him the truth. 

She knew Kyo well enough to know that he would always care for her, even if she made a total fool of herself. The memories of her mom’s love for her dad, a love that was cut short by the cruel hand of fate, are what finally got her out of bed. 

She owed it to her mom. 

She owed it to Kyo.

Most importantly, she owed it to _herself._

She would never be able to tell her mom that she loved her, and that regret would weigh on her for the rest of her life. But Kyo… Kyo was **alive** and just down the hall. She wouldn’t miss her shot. 

And with that, she walked over to Kyo’s door and tapped ever so lightly. 

* * *

Kyo jumped out of bed and ran over to open his door. There is only one person who would ever knock on his door like that and his feet moved before his brain could catch up. 

He would always run to her. **Always.**

He didn’t even take a breath before throwing open his door. Sure enough, Tohru was on the other side - wearing the same blue pajamas that she had on the roof earlier. The only difference was that her hair was completely down. 

She looked as wide awake and frantic as he felt. 

“Tohru?” 

Now that she was facing him, the reality of what she was doing began to catch up to her - and Tohru began to panic. 

“Oh no! I’m so sorry for waking you. Um, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come ---” before she could even finish her rambling, he grabbed her arm and pulled her inside. 

Shit. Tohru was inside his room. In the middle of the night. 

“I -- uh -- sorry. I just didn’t want you to wake Yuki or Shigure.” It was partially the truth, but the full truth was that, once again, his body had acted before his brain even had a chance to register what Tohru was saying. 

They both stood there awkwardly, refusing to look at each other. 

Tohru finally looked at Kyo and from the slight glow of the moon, she could just make out the red staining his cheeks. 

It was now or never. 

“Kyo, could we maybe… sit down? I need to talk to you.” 

“Uh yeah… of course. Um... “ Kyo suddenly became painfully aware of the fact that his futon was the only place for them to sit. “Uh, just… sit down on my bed, I’ll sit on the floor.” 

Tohru sat down, but before he could fall to the floor, she pulled him down right next to her. 

“No. Please, just sit here with me.” 

Tohru had no idea where this resolve was coming from. Maybe her prayers to her mom, asking for strength, had been answered. Or maybe it was the fact that the room was dark and she was close to going 24 hours withou.t sleep after an emotionally draining few days. 

Either way, she could figure it out later.

“Kyo. I’m going to talk, and I need you to just listen to me. Can you do that?”

“I… uh.. Yeah. Of course.” The fact that Tohru was _in his bed_ was making his brain go haywire. Yeah, he knew they couldn’t touch but damnit he was still a teenage boy with the girl he was in love with sitting next to him **_in his bed_ ** **.**

 _Calm down, you stupid cat._ He mentally scolded himself in a voice that sounded FAR too much like Yuki’s. 

“Ok. Um. I just… I need you to know that um…” Kyo sat patiently while Tohru took in a steadying breath. 

“WellokthethingisthatIthinkI’minlovewithyouandIknowthatyoudon’t---” 

“What?! Tohru, please slow down. I can’t understand a word that you’re saying.” _He must’ve misheard her. There’s no way that she said the words “in love with you.” No, it was just his mind playing tricks on him._

This time, Tohru looked up, directly into his eyes and threw it all out there. 

“Kyo, I’m in love with you. And I know you probably don’t feel the same way, and that’s OK, but I needed to tell you. I just… I needed to tell you. Ok, see you tomorrow.” 

Tohru had immediately jumped up and tried to run out of the room. She couldn’t believe she had said it and what courage she had just moments ago and flown out of her body with the words she never should’ve let come out. 

It’s OK. Maybe Kyo will just ignore it. Maybe he’ll just think she’s Tohru being Tohru again and never bring it up again. 

Maybe… maybe…

“Tohru wait!” By the time Kyo’s brain had finished processing the words she said, she was already almost gone. 

He ran over to her and grabbed her hand, pulling her back into the room and shutting the door behind them. 

“Did… did you mean it?” 

“Yes.” Tohru replied simply. There was no point in hiding anything now. 

“Tohru… I ---” 

“It’s OK, Kyo. I know you don’t feel the same way. I’m sure you’re in love with Kagura or ---”

“No!” It was the mention of Kagura’s name that snapped him back to the present. 

No, he didn’t love Kagura. Or anyone else.

Briefly, it occurred to him that he should lie. Tell her that he doesn’t feel the same way. Break her heart so that she could move on. 

He wanted, from the bottom of his heart, for her to be in love with **anyone** else. 

But he was a selfish, stupid man. 

“You’re wrong.” 

“Wha--” 

“No, please Tohru. Let me talk.” He pulled her back over to his bed, never letting go of her hand. 

“You’re wrong. I don’t love Kagura. I promised myself that I would never fall in love. All it would do is bring pain and suffering to everyone around me. I never told you the truth about my mom. You see, she… she killed herself because of me. All I wanted was for her to love me, and instead she tried to hide me. I guess the pain of having the Cat as a child was too much.” 

By now, Kyo was openly weeping and all Tohru wanted to do was wipe away the tears. But she couldn’t bring herself to move - scared that if she moved even the slightest bit, the spell would break and Kyo would run away. So instead, she just listened. 

“I swore I would never let anyone else get hurt because of me. Because they loved me. I thought I was doing a good job of it too, until I realized what somewhere along the way that you had crawled into my heart. Tohru… I love you, too, but we can never be together. You see, there’s something I haven’t told you.” 

Kyo took a deep breath but refused to look at Tohru. He couldn’t face her right now.

“When I graduate from high school, my life is over. Akito is going to lock me away in the Cat’s room and that’s… that’s the end of my life. I will never see you or anyone again. While I’m not an official member of the Zodiac, I still don’t have the power to resist Akito. So please, Tohru, if you really love me, you will forget about me after high school and move on with your life. Your happiness is more important than anything else in my life. **Anything**.”

“I won’t let Akito take you away.” 

Kyo chuckled darkly. “You don’t understand, Tohru. This isn’t something you can fix. The curse is the curse and I was damned before I took my first breath. Just please… can we not talk about this anymore? At least not tonight? I only have a few months left and I just want to enjoy them. I want to make happy memories that I will keep with me forever.” 

They both knew that Tohru wouldn’t let Kyo go without a fight. Not before, and sure as hell not now. But tonight, maybe just for tonight, they could pretend. Pretend that they were a normal boy and a normal girl sneaking into each other’s rooms 

“I can’t promise you that, but I will stop talking about it on one condition.”

“Yeah?” 

“You let me stay in your room tonight. Please, Kyo. I need to be close to you and I know I won’t sleep anyway if I go back to my room. At least with you close, I will feel safe.”

“Ok.” Kyo moved to grab an extra blanket so that he could make himself a bed on the floor, but Tohru reached for his wrist to stop him.

“No. I want you to stay with me… here. In your bed. Please?” 

Kyo would do anything for Tohru, and this was no exception. 

“Ok. But we’re putting pillows or something between us. I don’t want to turn into the Cat while I’m asleep.” 

Tohru chuckled lightly. “Ok, it’s a deal.” 

As they both awkwardly situated themselves on the bed, they knew that there were many more things that they needed to say - but not tonight. Tonight, they could just pretend.

* * *

Just before dawn, Shigure shot wide awake and out of bed. Something... had happened. He knew, without a doubt, that the curse had broken. The dog spirit had left his body and he no longer felt the overwhelming, supernatural pull to Akito. 

He quickly ran to wake up Yuki and Kyo. If his curse was broken... were they all? How did this happen?! 

As he threw open Kyo's door, he found Tohru and Kyo tangled up with each other in their sleep. Their chests - touching. Shigure smiled to himself, realizing what had happened.

As he quietly closed the door, the words echoed in his mind: _When one who was never loved is loved, the ancient promise nears the end._


End file.
